Girls Become Lovers

Something is weighing on me today; girls and their precious little hearts. Baby girls, toddlers, big girls, teenagers, young women, middle aged women, old women. We're all girls, and we all have hearts that start small, and grow and grow. But what do we grow on? And how does what we grow on impact the way we love and allow ourselves to be loved? 

For hundreds, if not thousands, of years, girls have been taught by society that in order to be happy, we need to snare a man. And by snare, I mean that we're expected put our best foot forward in hopes of getting his attention and keeping it: Put on your best dress, smile, say nice things, but never express too much opinion, and certainly never be overly confident or independent. Don't be yourself. Be what he wants you to be. And do what he expects. 

Don't misunderstand me. Some of these lies come to us from unexpected places. Many girls are raised by wonderful parents, but still have a misconstrued concept of what it means to love and be loved. Equally, some women who were raised in an unhealthy environment can have the most healthy view of love. Both nature and nurture have an influence on our hearts, and the way we understand and experience love can change drastically throughout our lives.

Here's what's bothering me. Girls need to know that they are enough, and yet most of us often don't know that. We need to be taught, told, and shown regularly, by anyone and everyone who has any kind of a healthy presence in our lives, that true love means someone respects you. A man (or woman!) who is respects you will be attracted to you, like you, care about you, and want to be in your life no matter what you say, how you dress, who you associate with, what your job is, where you live, what color your skin is, what color your hair is, how much or how little money you make, if you have kids or you don't, if you want kids or you don't.

If he or she makes you feel like you deserve love, then that's when you know you have found someone special. You should never be made to feel like you don't deserve love. If you feel that way, you are with someone who wants you to feel that way because it gives them the power to keep you exactly where they want you. And the longer they keep you, the more they can influence you and break down the last vestiges of your once sound concept of love.

Please, mothers and fathers, please show your girls what love is really like, every single day. You are their first picture of love, and often their most formative. You show them what it means to be human.

Love is not simply "you are beautiful," but rather, "hello, how was your day?" Love can be, "I made you a cake," "I'll do the chores," or, "your soul matters." Love answers, mirrors, and grows. It does not rust, erode, and dissolve. A heart full of love is strong and powerful, and if you have such a heart, please share it with everyone you know, especially girls, old and young, because we need a new picture of love. We need a new standard.


In the words of John Mayer--

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too


Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart


On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world