And so, home again. My dear friends, my dearest countrywomen, my heroines--
Where shall I begin?
Some of you know my full story, and others don't know much more than the basics. I won't get into the details now, but suffice it to say that I was never really happy living in the UK, and deep down I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
However, gathering the courage to admit what I already knew was the hardest thing I have ever done. Putting myself first, risking breaking another's heart, and taking what I needed for my own survival instead, nearly broke me. But once I made the decision, the greatest peace I have ever known came over me. Suddenly, I knew myself, and I was myself again. Love is never love if you have to compromise yourself to be what someone else needs.
Flying into Boston was surreal. I felt like the prodigal son. The lost lamb. The man without a country. But after seeing my daddy's face, and getting a hug from him, it was almost as if I had never left. If it weren't for those dark places in the corners of my mind and heart, stains that will never come out, I can almost imagine it was all a bad dream.
Many of you reading this are like sisters to me. Or mothers. Or both at once. I cannot even begin to tell you how close I feel to all of you right now, even though I am so far away. There were days that I do not think I could have survived without you.
I don't want to make you feel sad, because I know most of you are still feeling the pain, frustration, anxiety, and fear that I was imprisoned by only a few weeks ago. I truly wish that I could make you all as happy as I am feeling right now. My little heart is so full, and I want to give you all that happiness.
After seven years of living in an alternative universe, where up is down, and not in the pretty Alice-in-Wonderland-way we all dreamed of when we took to our wings and sailed away, all I can say without losing all sense of how to speak, is that I have woken from a dream, and I am feeling, seeing, believing, and breathing things that I thought I would never know again.
"I hear America singing" and I want to sing along.
Hang on, dear, brave ladies. You are heroines. Like soldiers, you have given away so much of yourself to others, without even being asked, because you love more deeply than some people could ever fathom.
Remember that you are not smaller or weaker or spread thin because of what you have given up. You are bigger and better and braver.
I miss you all. Stay in touch! I will be here for you.
